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Pateikiame jums mūsų svečio Arno Vainausko tekstą. Kviečiame drąsiai diskutuoti. Autorius yra Vilniaus Šv. Juozapo kunigų seminarijos studentas.
Kodėl nepavyksta užmegzti tvirtų meilės ryšių? Kodėl laikui bėgant, aistra išblėsta? Kur slypi priežastys, sukeliančios vieną skausmingiausių žmogiškų patirčių – negalią mylėti ir priimti kito meilę?
“Kai senų senovėje Vakarai surado meilę, jie įkainojo ją taip, kad mirtis tapo priimtina”2. Parafrazuojant mintį, galima tarti, kad mūsų kultūriniame audinyje slypi kažkas, kas neduoda visiems ramybės. Kažkas, kas tartum dyglys šone, kelia nerimą ir verčia veikti, kelia paniką ir stumia rinktis meilę bet kokia kaina.
Meilė bet kokia kaina primena tas plačiai mūsų kolektyvinėje vaizduotėje paplitusias asmens vartojimo instrukcijas: I. panaudoti ir išmesti, II. susirasti naują asmenį vartojimui. Taip pat (ne)šalutinius asmens vartojimo efektus: i. tuštumos jausmas, ii. baimė būti demaskuotam, iii. baimė būti panaudotam ir išmestam. Negalima nepaminėti ir su šiais dalykais susijusių ilgalaikių padarinių: A. emocinis infantilumas, B. chroniška vienatvė, C. vergavimas instinktui. Tiesą pasakius, visa tai primena Venecijos karnavalą.
Šis įvaizdis pasirinktas dėl vieno neurotiškos asmenybės meilei būdingo bruožo: ji niekuomet neparodo savo tikrojo veido, bet prisidengia Donžuano, Kazanovos, Afroditės, Gelbėtojo, Aukos ir kitų mėgstamų personažų kaukėmis, idant pateisintų savo iškreiptą požiūrį į save ir aplinką, kurioje gyvena. Šitokiu būdu neurotišką meilę galima apibrėžti kaip egoistinių motyvų inspiruotą vieno asmens prieraišumą kitam asmeniui, kuomet bendrystės siekiama ne dėl paties asmens, o dėl pasitenkinimo arba naudos, kurią šis asmuo tiesiogiai teikia. Psichoanalizės reformatorės neofroidistės Karen Horney nuostata, jog „su meile nesuderinamas naudojimasis kitu vien kaip priemone tam tikram tikslui pasiekti, t. y. vien tik arba daugiausia tik patenkinti tam tikroms reikmėms“3, yra pamatinis personalizmo filosofijos principas, visa savo jėga pasireiškiantis žmogaus, kaip pagal Dievo paveikslą ir panašumą sukurto asmens teologijoje.
Problema ta, kad mums peršama mintis, jog įmanoma ir netgi patartina atskirti aistringos meilės (eros) ir pasiaukojančios meilės (agape) objektus. Kad tai įmanoma, parodo liūdna psichoterapeutų kasdienybės patirtis, kuomet jų pacientai dalijasi istorijomis apie dvigubą gyvenimą, pasireiškiantį blaškymusi tarp meilužio(-ės) ir vyro/žmonos. Iš pirmo žvilgsnio viliojančios aistros sūpuoklės veda tiesiai į neurotiškos meilės bedugnę. Iš čia yra vienintelis išėjimas – drąsa mylėti. Abraham H. Maslow pabrėžia tai teigdamas, jog „save aktualizuojanti meilė pasireiškia kaip laisvas savęs atidavimas kitam, netausojant, netaupant savęs ir neskaičiuojant“4 investicijų ir pelno balanso, o taip pat nežaidžiant nuvalkiotų ir meilės esmę iškreipiančių žaidimų, kurių atgarsius galime išgirsti kad ir šiuose koledžo studenčių pasisakymuose apie tarpasmeninius santykius: „Nepasiduok per lengvai; Tegul šiek tiek pasistengia; Priversk jį nerimauti; Kas myli daugiau, tas silpnesnis“5.
Egoistinių motyvų inspiruota aistra, net jei išgyvenama dviese – dar nėra meilė. Abipusis sutikimas pasinaudoti vienas kitu niekuomet nepakyla ir niekuomet nepakils iki „Asmuo-Asmeniui“ komunikacijos lygio. Tol, kol asmuo nepriimamas kaip vertybė pati savaime, liekam instinkto ir neurotiškos meilės diktatūros gniaužtuose.
Mūsų pareiga čia aiški. Mes turime suprasti meilę. Mes turime sugebėti jos mokyti, ją kurti, nes kitaip mus pačius praris egoizmo, narcisizmo, prievartos ir neurozės demonai, o pati meilė ir toliau bus aukojama ant naujųjų laikų hedonizmo aukuro. Patinka mums tai ar ne, Venecijos karnavalo šurmulys siaučia čia pat mūsų miestų gatvėse, parkuose, klubuose ir namuose. Betgi kuomet išdrįstame nusiimti kaukes ir atverti akis tiesai, demaskuojame viso labo karnavališku rūbu prisidengusios neurotiškos meilės pandemiją. Visgi primenu ir atkakliai tvirtinu, kad už šių kaukių slepiasi žmonės, trokštantys mylėti ir būti mylimi. Problema ta, kad baimė mylėti įspraudžia mus į užburtą savidestrukcijos ratą. Šitokiu būdu, to patys nesuprasdami, tampame Venecijos karnavalo dalyviais, besislepiančiais po saviapgaulės šydu.
1 F. Kovalchek, Couple in love at the Carnival of Venice, Venecija, 2010.
2 M. Foucault, Seksualumo istorija, Vilnius, 1999, 120.
3 K. Horney, Neurotiška mūsų laikų asmenybė, Vilnius, 2004, 104.
4 A. H. Maslow, Motyvacija ir asmenybė, Vilnius, 2006, 222.
5 Ten pat, 222.